Old woman makes the asphalt weep

An elderly woman is speeding down the highway when she sees a policeman with a radar gun.

The policeman signals her to pull over, then walks up to her and asks her with a smile:

“What’s your hurry?”

“I’m late for work.”

“Sure,” says the officer, “what do you do?”

“I’m a rectal distender.”

“What? A rectal distender? What exactly is that?”

“Well, you see, I start by inserting one finger, then the other, then I work up to three fingers, four fingers, until my whole hand is in. I work from side to side until I have both hands in, and then I slowly but surely expand the rectum until it is about six feet wide.”

“And what do you do with a six-foot a**hole?”

“I give him a speed gun and put him on the side of the road.”