A highway patrol officer stopped an elderly woman for driving 10 mph on the highway. As he walked up to the old woman’s car, he noticed that there were 3 other old people who looked very frightened and stiff. He leaned over to the old woman’s window and noticed that she was as calm as could be. “Do you know ...
When we arrived home, looking forward to a pleasant evening. … the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. “It’s the pharmacist – he insulted me on the phone this morning,” she said in tears. The husband immediately went downtown, caught the pharmacist, and demanded that he apologize. Before he could get out a word or two, ...
Two Americans are on a tour of Europe and are scheduled to arrive in France on Sunday afternoon. But they arrived a few hours early and have little to do on a Sunday morning when everything is closed. “Why don’t we go to Mass?” one asks the other, pointing to a nearby cathedral. “Of course,” replies his friend. “But we ...
An old, tired looking dog walks into a man’s yard. The man checks the dog’s collar, feels its well-fed belly, and realizes that the dog has a home. The dog follows him into the house, walks down the hall, jumps on the couch, relaxes, and falls asleep. The man finds this rather strange, but lets the dog sleep. After about ...
A man was praying in church. He looks up to the sky and says, “God, can you answer one question for me?” “Sure, my son,” God says, “what do you want to know?” “God, what does a million years mean to you?” “Well,” says God, “a million years to me is a second.” “Hmm,” says the man. “I think I ...
A couple decides that they need a guard dog. The husband goes to a pet store and says to the clerk, “I need a guard dog to protect my house. The clerk replies, “I have the perfect dog for you,” and then shows the man a Chihuahua. The man is not impressed and says, “I need a dog to guard ...
There was an old couple. … they noticed that they were getting more and more forgetful and decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them to start writing things down so they wouldn’t forget. They went home and the old woman told her husband to bring her a bowl of ice cream. “She said, “You might want to ...
A group of students are taking their end-of-year exams. The beady-eyed old moderator at the head of the class stares at the clock at the end of the room as the students furiously scribble the rest of their answers, knowing that time is running out. Minutes later, the clock struck a new hour and the exam was over. “TIME’S UP!” ...
A salesman sells his wares door to door in a huge high-rise building. He knocks on a young man’s door and asks him: “Would you like to buy the latest toothbrush? Only ten dollars.” “Ten dollars for a toothbrush!” shouts the man. “What idiot would pay ten dollars for a toothbrush? You’re out of your mind.” “Well then,” the salesman ...
A cowboy rode into town on his horse and stopped at a bar for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on foreigners, and so did he. When he finished his drink, he noticed that his horse had been stolen. He went back to the bar, raised his rifle, caught it above his head without looking, and ...
