A rich man buys a new Lamborghini. It’s the most expensive car in the world, and he wants to show it off, so he takes it out for a spin. At the first red light, an old moped pulls up next to him. The old driver looks at the smooth, shiny surface of the car and asks, “What kind of ...
The room was filled with pregnant women and their husbands. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and the men how to provide the necessary reassurance at this stage of the plan. “Ladies, exercise is good for you,” the instructor announced. “Walking is especially good for you. … And gentlemen, ...
A businessman rushed to the station just in time to catch the Rockhampton Express from Brisbane. After taking his seat, he asked the conductor when the train would arrive in Gladstone. “There are no stops in Gladstone on Wednesdays,” the conductor replied. “What!” exclaimed the businessman. “There are no stops in Gladstone on Wednesdays.” “But it’s mandatory. I have an ...
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly lunges at his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is a bad person, my girlfriend ran off with a schnauzer, and I’m as nervous as a cat.” “Just the other day, the mailman almost ran me over, the neighbor’s cat chased me, and then ...
A man was sold a very cheap suit. “But my left arm is much longer than my right arm,” he complained. “That’s why the suit is so cheap,” the salesman explained. “Just lift your left shoulder a little, like this, and tuck the left collar under your chin a little, like this.” “But the right leg is too short,” protested ...
A little girl was sitting at the kitchen table drawing a picture of her parents with crayons. She started thinking about her grandparents… what about her grandparents’ parents? What about her parents? He asked his mother thoughtfully: “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have a family?” “God created Adam and Eve, and they had children, and ...
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. The cell phone on one of the benches rings, and one of the men puts the phone on speaker and starts talking while wearing his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. Man: “Hello?” Woman: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” Man: “Yes.” Woman: ...
Two men are driving in Alabama when they are pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper approaches, bangs his baton on the window, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper hits him in the head with the baton. The driver says, “Why did you do that?” The trooper says, “You’re in Alabama, son. Your license will be ...
A man walks through the backwoods and sees a sign in front of a rundown, shanty-style house: Talking Dog for Sale. He rings the bell and the owner appears and says the dog is in the backyard. The man goes into the backyard and sees a handsome Labrador Retriever sitting there. “Can you talk?” he asks. The Labrador answers, “Of ...
A father tucked his 3-year-old daughter into bed, told her a story, and listened to her prayers “God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma, and goodbye Grandpa.” “Why did you say goodbye, Grandpa?” her father asked. The little girl said, “I don’t know, Daddy, it just seemed like something I had to do. The next day, Grandpa died. ...
